1.11.2013

Rainbow baby!

I guess I probably should 'officially' announce our news on here, since I sort of casually think I mentioned it rather than posting.

First I will define rainbow baby: A baby conceived after the loss of a pregnancy, infant or child. (signifies hope and promise of a future)

Nick and I talked about when we would have another baby after we lost Gabe... and before the plan was pretty much to avoid that at all costs until Gabe was done with his bi-vent repair.

Well, I suppose we probably shouldn't talk about having babies, or think about it, or wonder about it- because what do you know! We are having a baby in July (I'm guessing the 3rd or the 5th, probably not the fourth because that would just be too sweet!)!

We kept it a secret... Well, okay, I kept it a secret. Nick is terrible at secrets. He feels like secrets are 'lies' and felt like he was going to die if we didn't tell his parents 3 days after we found out... So they knew from the pretty much 'get go', and then before you knew it Pastor Ralph knew... and then everyone at Nick's work (including a random friend of mine from high school)... So anyhow, I kept it a secret. Nick, did not. Haha, I love that man despite his silly ways.

So anyhow, I was incredibly nervous. Mostly about what people would say, because as much as I want to imagine that people (especially my family and my Christian friends) would not have anything to say, you all know that unfortunately, humans talk and say things that are hurtful and then go even beyond that to say things that are just silly.

I was also incredibly nervous because, although I know these talks are silly, we just lost our son to a heart issue and Down Syndrome. Yes, geneticists can sit there and tell me all day about how my odds are less than 1 percent of having anything like that happen again. They can tell me the heart issues were related to Down Syndrome and that Laryngomalacia is the most common issue babies are born with, and has nothing to do with anything you did.. But that little voice in your head, the really naughty one who is terrified constantly of the 'worst', told me "Go on google and look up every possible birth defect on the planet so you are totally prepared this time."

Well little naughty brain section, you are incredibly morbid, first of all, but you also didn't need to look at pictures to 'desensitize yourself' to any possible horrors.

After all that 'preparation' for the worst I awaited January 7th, the day of our ultrasound... and oddly the day we found out that we were pregnant with Gabe two years ago. (Where does the time go?)

Let me tell you something, there is no wifi in those rooms that they make you wait in before your high risk clinic ultrasound. You have to sit there, quietly, with other expecting parents- not talking, because if you start talking to other parents in the high risk clinic you could immediately find yourself sobbing along with them- and you do not want to start that, trust me.

After watching a family walk out sobbing (which I remember oh so clearly..) I was prepared myself to walk in and see a nuchal fold the size of texas, or worse yet hydrops the size of Texas.

Nick let me play some ski-ing game that distracted me slightly from tapping my leg clear off of my body.

Finally, they called our name (I wish we hadn't been so early to our appointment).

We went back and met with the geneticist who talked to us about Gabe's scan results and went over our family history with us to determine our 'low risk' results of genetically inherited abnormalities. These are people that you really don't want to see again, they are not very uplifting, although she did remind us that the odds of anything being wrong were pretty slim to nothing. (What does that even mean, the odds are low? Gabe's odds were pretty much zilch of being how unique he was, odds are total crap).

Anyway, we went in for our ultrasound finally and the lady got the machine going and voila, there is a little, completely formed baby standing on their head. Their head. Yes.

I started laughing because they just looked so funny like that, and then the baby proceeded to show off their Olympian moves. I'm not joking. This one might be more active than Judah (Lord help us).

They had their legs straight out and their arms straight out above their head most of the time. Jumping up and down, spinning to their front and back... They looked like they could be preforming in some kind of dance dance revolution game party. It was incredible.

Finally, the baby was still enough (well, sort of) to get the Nuchal fold measurement. 1.2mm (at 13 weeks 4 days measurement of age). Barely any nuchal fold at all, really, compared to Gabe's. The risk of a chromosomal issue after that is pretty much zilch.

Here I am, getting this reassurance that the heart and chromosomes are probably fine, and my heart drops a little in finding out that our odds of having another little one with Down Syndrome are pretty low. (I know, I am a little strange, but all the Mom's in the Down Syndrome community assured me I am not crazy and this is normal). You might not understand this, you might think I'm bizarre beyond all measure, but yes, I was a little teency bit sad that this baby looks so normal. (Besides being an Olympian).

Anyhow, that feeling was also replaced by the joy of the low probability of heart issues (though we know that Gabe's heart issues were more than likely completely associated with his extra chromosome).

Then! They had warned us before the ultrasound that we wouldn't see four chambers because it was just too early. Well, Nick and I saw them before the ultrasound lady even did. We've stared at enough echos to know what they look like, and gosh, those four chambers looked pretty darn great. (Of course that could always change slightly by the next ultrasound at 20 weeks, and we have an echo to confirm with Dr Womack (Gabe's cardiologist in Boise) at 20 weeks as well... But we sighed out a huge sigh of relief. What an amazing thing to be able to see when you can't even see kidneys yet!

We also were able to see the stomach (which she said meant baby has already started swallowing fluid) and the bladder, (which she said meant the kidneys have already begun working, even though we can't see them yet because they are so tiny).

She also tried to get a good look at the 'nub shot' (don't ask if you don't know, lol) and the baby wouldn't cooperate with that, although the baby looked strangely girly to her in the parts area. We will see what comes of that (we have a boy name picked out and ready!), but either way, we are just thrilled that they look so healthy and whole.

So, the little one is due around July 10th, so I'm guessing the third or the 5th...

And of course we will update with ultrasound pictures and health reports.

(another tid bit- our ultrasound tech was the same lady who helped diagnose Gabe's heart issue and possible Down Syndrome, and she was so lovely to us when the doctor tried to pressure us into an amnio, I was so happy I remembered her kind spirit!)

Oh, here is a picture of the little one's face for you people! chin, lips, nose, eyesocket, up top, tiny nuchal fold on the bottom. :)


2 comments:

Samantha Kjell said...

Congratulations. Im so happy for you four (including Gabe)--because I am sure he is watching over that baby already!

Kae Hutchens said...

I am SO happy for you!! Congratulations!!!!

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