1.02.2013

I was born with a gene...

I was born with a gene that made me want to write and draw and take pictures. Maybe it's more than one gene, maybe it's a collection of genes that flew together into a triangle of "I'm sort of creative but not quite Mozart-creative."

My genes also established parts of the way my brain works, my hair color, my eye color... This weird fat roll that grows in the middle of my body even when all the rest of my body is perfectly skinny. I was made incredibly uniquely... I don't really relate to my siblings much...

They are not super artsy, although some of them dabble, none of them use it as an outlet (or writing for that matter)... They are computer geniuses (compared to me, at least) and mechanically marvelous. They could take it apart and put it together without a manual or a youtube video (maybe with a few less parts at times)- but I couldn't do that. I wasn't made that way.

When I was told at 22 weeks pregnant that Gabe might have Down Syndrome because of his short legs, I laughed a little mentally thinking that our son could have anything but short legs given his parents stature... and then I seriously considered it.

I looked it up online, and I fell in love with this little person that might be different. I am different, you see. I don't think like everyone else. I don't communicate like everyone else... I don't see the world like everyone else.

This little person was going to mystify me, if they were so special that they could change the way I had to look at the world to see through their little eyes.

Something in me felt very quietly that perhaps this baby was carrying an extra chromosome in all his little cells. Perhaps this little boy would be different than what people expected. Maybe he wouldn't be mechanically gifted, maybe not artsy... Maybe he wouldn't even say much. But he would have something to offer. Something I needed.

When Gabe was born, people were shocked that we were not in the depths of despair at the chromosomal diagnosis that followed... My husband and his family held onto the hope that maybe, he wouldn't have this extra chromosome that would take his odds down, that would change our world so drastically...

But I'd known, somehow. I'd known the second I laid eyes on him.

Gabe was my blessing, especially his extra chromosomes. Not because of them, but with them. With them, with the whole package.

Gabe did have a talent for something, he spoke a language with his eyes that I completely understood. He spoke love. Literally. I cannot begin to describe what I am trying to say here, but here is what I am getting at.

Gabe didn't need to be healed from his Chromosomes. He didn't need to be changed, he didn't need to be fixed... He didn't need to be anything different than exactly who he was.

He spoke a language to me that was purely soul- there was nothing clouding it. There were no demands around it, there were no expectations.

Down Syndrome is not a disease.

It is a release from the false perfection that many in society believe exists.

Losing Gabe felt like I had lost my blessing. It felt like I had lost this whole new world that I had not only accepted, but I wanted. I wanted Gabe in entirety.

I knew that he was destined for something great- and he could change the views of those around him by speaking this perfect language that God had put into him.

2 comments:

Mary Pauline said...

I have a sister with Down Syndrome. She changed our life in so very many ways - all for the better. Recently. I ran into an old friend that, after years of trying, finally had a sweet precious baby boy... who had Down Syndrome. As soon as I laid eyes on him, I told her how very happy I was for them - how lucky they were to be given this opportunity to raise such an incredible child. I told her how truly jealous my husband and I are that they were given this incredible child. She began to cry and told me she had never been told something positive in regards to their sweet baby - only ever the 'I'm sorry.' Hopefully one day we will be lucky enough to bring their never ending love and carefree smiles into our life!
Our prayers are with you always -

Mary Pauline said...

I have a sister with Down Syndrome. She changed our life in so very many ways - all for the better. Recently. I ran into an old friend that, after years of trying, finally had a sweet precious baby boy... who had Down Syndrome. As soon as I laid eyes on him, I told her how very happy I was for them - how lucky they were to be given this opportunity to raise such an incredible child. I told her how truly jealous my husband and I are that they were given this incredible child. She began to cry and told me she had never been told something positive in regards to their sweet baby - only ever the 'I'm sorry.' Hopefully one day we will be lucky enough to bring their never ending love and carefree smiles into our life!
Our prayers are with you always -

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