Five months ago, I had you in my arms. Just before Judah's birthday, I had you in my arms.

And cherry blossoms were all over the city then.

I was all over the city then.

You were in your stroller, or in my wrap.

You went with me to the doctor to take out Daddy's fake tumor.

I wish I could have breathed you in deeply enough that I could still feel you, whenever I wanted to.

Boston was so beautiful, not because it was just so beautiful (which it was) but because you were there with me.

Now you are in the blossoms, everywhere. You are in the air, because every breath I breathe tastes the bitterness that your sweetness left behind when it left for now.

For now.

I am not without faith, I know that you are safe in heavens arms.

But selfishly, I wish you were here in mine. Not with any of the tubes or monitors, but just here smiling once more.


I loved that you were ticklish.

Gosh, the sweetest deep laugh you had.

You are in the rain, the blossoms, sometimes just in the air when it smells a little sweeter than usual. But you aren't here at all... they just remind me of you.

Just like hugging Susie reminds me of you somehow.

Miss you, sweet boy.

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