Dear Gabriel,

The day we lost you, our nurse made up your bed and scooted you to the side so that I could climb in next to you. I did, and it was perfect, Gabe. I sang to you, and every time I did you fell into a deep, peaceful sleep. If I took my hand from yours, you woke up, searching for my hand.

And you looked at me with 'those' eyes. My sweet prince, I don't know if you realize how much you were loved...

The day you were born, our hospital room was filled with over 15 doctors and nurses. It was so calm though, so loving. My doctors, all three of them, were so kind, gentle... and you were born into a room of peace, love, and hope.

When we lost you, you were in a room quite similar. It was eerie, almost, how similar it felt to when you came into this world. A room of bittersweet harmony. Love so strong... that if it could have saved you, it would have. If love could have saved you on this earth, I have no doubt you would be here today.

I don't think a dry eye was in that room. No one was ready, least of all me.

But I know today you are somewhere else, and I don't feel you around. I think you left quickly, and Daddy and I wonder if the angel Gabriel came to pick you up and carry you, since you didn't know the way yet.

I wish it wasn't so quickly.

But I know someday I will feel your presence again.

Thank you, Gabe... For kicking butt. You fought so hard, for so long, with so much strength. You lived when all other babies would have died. You went through things that people said you would never survive, and you did. You were more than a conqueror, and you left us with your fighting spirit in us.

I was the most afraid I have ever been in my entire life on Thursday. I was so afraid to let go too soon, to give up when you could get better, but I know your body was no longer healing... The fight was over.

I am so glad you fought, Gabe.

I am so proud of you, more proud than I have been of anything in my entire life.

I believe that God put you here for a very real purpose, but that death and destruction tried to thwart that purpose. I believe that the enemy is trying to use what happened for evil.

He was laughing while we sobbed, but he didn't realize that we were not defeated. That we haven't lost, Gabe. We haven't lost you. We won.

We won because we held you. We won because you made us understand things we never thought we could comprehend.

We won because you changed us, every second of your life from the inside out.

You opened our eyes, you taught us, you showed us what we were so blind to. The innocence that God had intended for all of us... You showed us that.

We love you, forever, and I cannot wait to snuggle you in heaven.

Thank you for our last snuggles. I will never, ever forget them.


Shannon said...

HUGS. I wish there was so much more I could say. We all won just having met him. He touched my life greatly, I can't even describe all the ways. His life also brought me to a very good friend. One of the most amazing people and mommies I have ever had the privilege to know. xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

So who is this enemy? God? Or genetics?

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