An extrovert fell in love with an introvert...

One of the things that people will notice about Nick and I is that we do love each other- very much- but we also get tired of each other pretty often.

The reason behind this is simple.

I am an introvert, and I fell in love with an extrovert.

It's complicated in the best of ways, we don't usually understand each other on a lot of issues, but it also makes us fascinating to each other.

The thing about Nick and I is that we feel like the definition of soul mates. Our hearts love very similar things- babies, family, God, church, life, love... but we don't function the same way AT ALL.


Nick likes organization, schedule and planning ahead.

Julia likes organization once or twice a week, flying by the seat of her pants, and being laid back.

Nick likes crowds, conversations and thrives on social interaction.

Julia is exhausted by crowds, has trouble with conversations (she over-thinks things), and is exhausted by social gatherings that have more than 6 or 7 close friends.

Nick loves meeting new people at any time, can establish a conversation easily and picks up on social cues.

Julia likes meeting new people when she is in the mood to meet people, when she feels at her best and feels up to having a conversation... She picks up on social cues, but would rather plan a conversation in advance.

Nick likes days where he feels efficient and productive.

Julia likes days where she doesn't feel like she 'has' to be efficient, but she can if she wants to, or she can take a long relaxing bath.

The fact is that we are two very different, but very alike people.

Our heart conversations are the same. We feel pretty similar about religion, politics, children, love, marriage, commitment... But our clockwork is different.

Nick thinks that there is a cause and effect for most things. (apologize, forgiven)

Julia thinks with her heart more than her head (showing more than saying)

So the thing you should know about us is that when we have rough times, they can get pretty rough.

But in the end, much like in the movie P.S. I love you- we fight and then we run back into each other's arms.

Maybe it's a man-woman thing part of the time. But part of it is that our brains go down entirely different pathways. It makes us unique, and it makes us fun. But- it also makes our relationship hard. And then it makes our relationship work out.

The truth of the matter is that when and introvert and an extrover collide, it's a beautiful and difficult phenomenon.

My family had to get used to Nick and the way that he operates. It's much different than me, but much better in a lot of ways.

Nick's family has had to get used to me and the way I operate (which... getting used to an introvert can be a challenge, I've heard) which is a lot different than my husband.

If you find yourself in an introvert/extrovert relationship, you can look forward to a long life together of trying to figure each other out. And you will notice at times that you take on each other's traits. Nick makes me more social, I make him more of a homebody. It just happens.

Are you in an introvert/extrovert relationship?

What are some challenges? What are some things that are easy?


Anonymous said...

I'm an extreme introvert and my wife hates how easily I forget to express and display my love for her. Her biggest complaint is that I don't make her feel that I'm madly in love with her. In the back of my head I keep blaming my introversion for not being head over heels ...

Tonia said...

I am an introvert married to a true extrovert for 15 yrs. We love each other but our differences can drive each other crazy. He loves to be out and about while I much prefer to be at home. He's very social in new settings while I am more laid back. However, I think our differences make our marriage more interesting.

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