Today, I am thinking about the moments when I saw Gabe's heart beating inside of his chest again.
Just in case everyone was curious, yes, I am morbid. I think it happened sometime after Gabe was given a 1 percent chance at life... and since then, I think about lots of morbid things that would bother some... But don't bother me. So pardon me when I do those things, but it's because I have had way too much time to think about them late at night.
I was wondering today, how many beats Gabe's heart has already given in his short life. He averages 130 beats per minute right now.
Yesterday I woke up from my sleep with a smile on my face. I had a sweet dream, I was pregnant (20 weeks) with a baby girl who had Downs Syndrome. In my dream, I thought "What a bummer, she has Downs Syndrome"... and then I looked at her. It was one of those ultrasound dreams where you can see every detail.. She was beautiful. I was almost sad to wake up and have it not be true (although, no thank you on pregnancy right now)... but it gave me a sweet feeling in my heart.
Then I thought of Gabe, of the possibility of not taking him home and the possibility of another miracle in his life. So many people are praying for him, that if a miracle was to happen.. now would certainly be when it would occur.
We knew every single moment we have had with our son was a blessing, not a right. We held him and stared at him wondering and knowing that if/when we lost him- we were given the most precious gift you could be given.
A perfect, beautiful baby boy.
So as we wait on our miracle, we reflect on the bigger miracle. That we had even one day with Gabe without oxygen, without life support, with love. That we had our family together... and it was perfect.