It's very difficult to see Gabe right now. He is so puffy from fluid that he is wider than Judah... He is bruising from fluid overload... And having a hard time when the fluid balance goes down.
I miss him so incredibly much. He is there, but he isn't there. I haven't seen his eyes, his smile, heard his cry.... in so long.
Sometimes, it's okay to say that it's hard being here. It's hard being the Mom who was chosen to have Gabe, to fight with him and for him... Though worth it. Knowing that they had to poke a hole in him yesterday to release fluid... That's hard. That it might happen again... hard.
I am waiting as patiently as I can to see him again... But I can't help but feel like he isn't here right now. When you spend as much time as we have not seeing your baby be a baby- it's hard to even believe that they are still behind the 'curtain' of tubes and medicines.
I just can't wait until God fulfills his miracles in Gabe's life.
Judah turns 2 tomorrow :)