We all get to that moment in life where everything just pauses and we truly take in our lives, our circumstances- in the light that they are to us.
I think I've had quite a few 'pause' moments in the past years, the births of my two boys, Gabe's first heart surgery, the moment we didn't know if he was gone or with us as we went to meet with his surgeons, the moment I saw that he had downs syndrome, the moment I breathed out and said "I don't really care- he is mine." and the moment I had to hike up my 'strong' pants and start trudging through this journey.
Well, occasionally the strong pants get a little loose from all the wear, but I can always find a way (with God's help) to hike them back up and throw a pair of suspenders on as I keep on trudging.
Yesterday, I found another pause moment on this journey.
I saw my family sitting together on the bed, Gabe in the middle, Nick and Judah on the sides and me at the end of the bed, and I knew immediately how blessed we were. How this is what God had in mind for us, and this moment was ours to hold onto.
That moment went by in a flash, but it's engraved on my heart tonight.
Just like the time when Judah started chanting "Dad-dy- Dad-dy- Dad-dy!" everytime Nick came home from work, and the moment when we felt Judah kick for the first time. Just like the time Gabe opened his eyes for the first time since birth and looked at us. (the day before his surgery, coincidentally).
Just like the time I saw my son's heart beating inside of his chest.
You never know how blessed you are until you pause and take it in. Blessed with pain, even. Blessed with knowing who you are. Blessed with having a beautiful partner to walk with you through this journey... Blessed in so many ways.
People have it SO much worse than I do. I look at people who have been through the same circumstances as I have, but have not been able to deal with it, to process it, to put on their 'strong pants'. I've seen marriages lost, families broken, children lost, parents forever hardened by things like these.
But we have been effected ONLY in positive ways. How can this be?
Well, as I described in an earlier entry, I think we are in a snow globe. The storm rages outside of the snowglobe, in my mind, and we are inside, unaffected, or if effected- recovering so quickly it's a bit ridiculous.
People are always asking me why we aren't falling apart.
Honestly, we get to those points a lot, where we are arguing with each other, everything is going the wrong way, Judah is sick, Gabe is sick, Mom is exhausted, Dad is exhausted... But we always find a way to pause our day and look at each other and remember...
We are in it together- blessed to be with each other, blessed to have a beautiful family, blessed to be alive.
And if anything else goes wrong in our world, we will just sit down and write another chapter for Job....