One of the many lines that tell me that my depression is trying to steal my joy- is when my mind suddenly thinks that everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) is hopeless.
Usually, I can cut it off before this point, but yesterday I definitely got to the point where I defined everything as hopeless.
I should laugh at myself here. Hopeless? How dramatic!
Then I think of the line "Who stole your Christmas presents?"
Nick and I always chuckle when Judah has a seriously huge meltdown over something very small. You would think his world was falling apart when he didn't get to pull all of the keys off of my laptop with a set of keys he found. He melted down and sobbed. I said "Aww, did someone steal your Christmas presents little man?" and then thought... Who stole mine?
I mean, in all reality- they call satan a stealer, not because he steals your money or your livelihood... But because he steals your joy.
Just like Judah's falling apart because he was in trouble for doing something that was naughty... He felt like it was hopeless, it was the end of the world. He was in trouble, no one loved him or understood him, no one wanted him to be happy.
Am I like a little child?
Well, yesterday I felt like I was. I was laying there, lining up all the things that sucked in our life at the moment and I saw no hope. I saw hopelessness. Like Judah, I couldn't see past the immediate moment that was in my face. Past my failures, my lost dreams, my fears, my hurts. I was stuck with that thought that everything was totally lost.
Today I stare at that image of myself feeling so badly... And I wonder what on earth was going on.
Satan stole my Christmas presents. He stole my joy. I let him steal my joy- and I froze in terror as he did. What I should have done is turned around, looked him in the ugly face and said "You can have my Christmas presents, but you sure can't steal my joy."
Now, the people that I know that don't really believe in Satan- you still believe in good and evil. Well, evil thoughts or hindering thoughts (which I believe are from the devil working his way in your mind) are easily rebuked- and if you rebuke them with Jesus on your side, it's not a battle. It's just a "throw your hands up in the air" situation. It's nice.
"God, pour a joyful heart onto me. Give me a heart of gratitude and don't let satan or evil take a foothold in my life. In Jesus name, I call my mind and spirit strong and whole, not broken or weak. I will lean on You."