8.22.2011

Jesus asked his father if there was any way he could avoid experiencing the pain he went through for us. He asked his father if the cup could pass from him- because I imagine the thought of what he would have to go through to justify saving us from our sins was more than terrifying.

I think I have asked my fair share if this cup could pass from us. Sometimes it feels like I am oh ye of little faith's embodiment- fearing the pain of the future and hoping with a mustard seed mentality that the next weeks ahead could somehow be avoided.

Here it is upon us, that moment- and I am still in the same position I was when we found out about Gabe's special heart. Wondering if I will hold him for one second of his life or for years.

But my goodness gracious... I am so excited to meet him. Finally, the excitement and joy is back and the fears are momentarily faded.

One of the things people often say is that God picks special parents to go through things like this. I kind of hate hearing that, to be honest. I think the opposite is true. I think parents can become special and refined when they go through the fires with their children, with their lives in general.

Letting it mold you in a soft way is the challenge- I think.

We could become calloused and rough and hard through this, and I pray constantly that we become softer, kinder, more loving, more thankful.

Gabe is officially in the 'safer' zone. 37 weeks yesterday means that when he comes, he will be 'ready'. Will we? I don't think we can be 'ready'- but I think we are ready to hold our little one, to touch his sweet cheeks and to just love on him.

I have two things on my list to get before he arrives.

1: An extremely soft blanket to cuddle him since I can't. (way harder to find than I thought)
2: A soft stuffed animal just for him.

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