Gabriel Abraham was born at 2:20 AM after three pushes. It was the easiest, fastest, and funnest delivery- we are so lucky. He weighs 7LBS 11OZ- and looks like a giant in the NICU.
I am waiting to go give him his blanket in the NICU and kiss his sweetness again before they transfer him to Children's in the morning... So while I keep myself awake with my sweet husband resting- I thought I would write what emotions I felt when I saw him.
We knew/know that Gabe has a possibility of having Downs Syndrome. In my heart, I think I knew he probably did, but I kept saying that he was probably just a little short with a big head like my sweet husband Nick.
So the second I laid eyes on Gabe, of course I knew that he looked like he did. But all I could think is "It's him. It's the little boy I fell in love with before I met him... It's Gabe." There was no moment of sorrow for the more 'perfect' baby, though some fear of what this might mean for his heart surgeries in the future... But Gabe is strong, he is a warrior, he is my son.
When we met Judah for the first time, we were so in love, but we didn't know Judah- we knew the kicks, we knew that we couldn't wait to have our baby in our arms, but we didn't see him instantly as the "Judah" we had been waiting for... Not because Judah wasn't as special, but because we didn't develop the same bond at first with Judah- it came after delivery (we love them equally, of course!)
When Nick and I saw Gabe, we knew him. We knew his heart, knew his chubby cheeks, knew his movements, knew it was the boy we had been praying for, the boy God gave to us.
Downs Syndrome is not a fear of mine. I thought at first, as I said before, that Downs was a hard possibility to face, but when I talked with God, this fear left me. I had prayed early in this pregnancy that God give Gabe a healthy heart, that I didn't care about the possibility of Down's Syndrome, though some fear it deeply.
Now, we aren't 100 percent sure if Gabe has Downs or possibly another chromosomal issue- but I can tell you that he is completely the boy I wanted, the boy I love, and I am not disappointed.
I will never for one second question my love for him, and I will do everything in my power to fight with him and for him every second of his life. I will be the mother that Jesus gave me the ability to be.
Gabe has hypoplastic left heart syndrome. He has an incredibly strong, beautiful heart. He is so snuggly, so sweet.
Gabe is my son.
He is our Gaberham, our Gabraham, our Gabe the Ham, our second son, our little man, our angel.
And in this fight, the last thing on my mind is which chromosomes he has. I would give my heart to him if I could, I would save him from what he is about to go through if I could, but I promise to love him with every fiber of my being that God gave me to love him with.
So if you think I am disappointed, please know that I am not. I am so happy. I am blessed beyond measure. <3