How little control we really have over anything. And comforting, too.
The little things are piling up, we have a lot to do in the next 5 weeks and I don't know how we are going to do some of it- or any of it. The hormones of pregnancy have kicked in pretty harshly- and I am trying so hard to not fall apart- but it's definitely frustrating.
I miss worship- church worship. MGT worship. I have dreams about being in congregations worshipping from time to time- gosh I need that break. Just to absorb the love that God pours over when you truly lose yourself in His presence. It's better than any energy drink, than any airborne vitamin drink... God I need you.
Gosh darn hormones don't leave room for the face I can usually put forward- the face of 'I'm doing good, I'm doing great, I'm doing okay.'... It's turning into the face of "God how are we going to do this? Why do we have to do this? Can you please keep us from going through this? I'm not ready- not in 9 weeks- not in 9 years. I don't want to grow up this much right now. I don't want to go through the pain we are going to go through, watching this- going through this. I've seen this and I want to run the other direction as fast as I can."
So right now- dealing with some major financial issues still from when we got married and went from 2 well paying jobs to 1 not so well paying job, having a baby, dealing with car issues... and School too (Nick is seriously overloaded right now- poor guy)- and then dealing with the mental and emotional battles this is bringing... Along with running out of juice to keep up with Judah already... I need some prayers- some good, maybe long prayers.
Please keep our little family in your prayers if you have the time- we so appreciate it.