7.15.2011

I think we all start out with this preconceived unrealistic idea in our head that life will go as we anticipate it to. It doesn't seem so unrealistic, because it seems like everyone's life tends to go in a pretty forward direction..

But then the bottom drops out from under you. The plans you had vanish and are met with a jaw dropping moment where you have no idea what direction you are going in.

Wait... What just happened? Where did all our plans go? And you are staring at your life, your spouse, your future with this dazed look...

This wasn't what we had in mind... This wasn't what we expected... Is the only thing running through your head for a moment. Then you are stuck in a puddle of mud paddling as fast as you can in no certain direction. All you know is that you have to get back into the regular pond because you were not cut out for this. You need a large bathtub, at the very least- to sink up to your chin in. Bubbles too, please. It wouldn't hurt to have a novel to escape into and a large glass of iced-something.

I've been going through pre-traumatic stress disorder. I think it must exist, since I seem to be going through it. It has some moments of near hyperventilation followed by long- super squeeze hugs from my sweet husband to bring me back out of it.

But I cry it out, get my hugs in, and keep on paddling in the mud- because eventually someone will throw a hose in and it won't feel quite as hard as it does right now.

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