Dear God,

Why do some live and some die?
Why are some prayers answered, and some not?
Why do people who smoke and drink their whole pregnancy get healthy little miracle babies- but not us?

Why do I really not want to know the answer?

What lesson are we learning through these challenges? Isn't there an easier way?

Can't we take the easy road?

Right now I am focusing on the beauty around me, but it is very bittersweet lately. I am enjoying the sun, the beautiful Boise landscapes, my little Judah bear, the kicks from Gabe, my husband's sweet face...

But it feels bittersweet. I know we are blessed in ways that many are not. I know it could be worse... But couldn't it be at least a little less challenging?

I've been waiting for life to settle down around me. For routines to kick in with our family so that we can plan out playdates and friendships. Will it never settle down? Will there always be some crazy thing going on that I can't find someone to relate to on?

I guess I am praying for peace again. The weather of this is definitely coming back and I need peace.

Peace and healing for Judah's chest and aspiration.
Peace and healing for Gabe's heart and other possible complications.
Peace and comfort for not having my parents in Seattle through all of this.
Peace and healing for how much I miss church lately.
Peace for my husband's hectic school and work schedules.
Peace financially.
Peace for the future.
Peace in knowing that there is nothing I could have or can do to change these circumstances.

God- please give me that overflowing crazy peace where people think I am in denial just because of how well we are handling things. I'd like that once again.

And please bless all the Mommas and Daddas who are going through these painful feelings.
Bless every broken heart and every sick baby and child.
Bless all the little ones who don't eat well.
Bless us with the ability to keep on moving- even when it's scary.


Nita Jo said...

Sweet Julia, I wept while reading this. I understand some of your pain. Though my own struggles, and those of my boy's health problems were not the same as yours, there is that same sense of wanting to understand and to have peace.

I will keep praying for you, your babies, your husband... Strength, Peace, and never-ending Hope!

Love you!
Nita Jo

Live Joyful said...

Praying for strength. :)
Love you!

Connor my little frog said...

I know your pain if you ever just want vent or talk I've been there and I can help in some small way please let me
Heart hugs Ivy

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