I have found that truer words than this have never been spoken.
"When your child is not well, you are not well."
The toll that having a loved one sick (Parent, child, sibling) is immense. It is more than mental, which is difficult enough... It's physical. Painful. It makes you sick, whether or not you are sick. It compromises your immune system, your morale, and at some moments... Possibly even your sanity.
Going through this second pregnancy the fear is constantly there that this baby will not be completely healthy and may have struggles with eating, or breathing, like Judah had. That terrifies me, but thank goodness I have God in my life. I lay it down and give it to Him. He knows how much I can handle, far better and truer than I.
While Judah was sick, I didn't take care of myself. I didn't go to the doctor for my checkup after having a baby- which could have put me in a huge bad spot, but I didn't care. I didn't want to leave the house, I didn't want to do anything until my baby was happy, healthy. Until he was better.
I didn't take vitamins or eat healthy foods, but I focused on getting Judah to eat as much and as often as I could.
My body suffered tremendously, but until now, I really had no idea what I was doing to myself. After you have a baby, you need to replenish the supplies your body used to care for and grow the baby. Calcium, vitamins, minerals. Water. Without building these back, any pregnancy that happens will break your body down harder than the first time.
I can't believe how true it is, now that I am experiencing the second pregnancy after not replenishing the supplies I needed to. It's been far more painful, not as fun- (I'm finally feeling better though), and exhausting. I find myself needing more sleep than I did with Judah, more nutrients and far more calcium. My bones ache, my teeth even.
The point of this isn't to complain, I've gotten through the worst, and taking my vitamins and extra calcium is helping tremendously... But the point is to say.. If a parent could get so sick over their child being unwell..
How does God feel when we aren't well?
Leaning over us, wishing He could fix the problem that only we have the key to. Whispering to us how much He loves us. I bet it makes him ache- to see us go through something He wishes He could prevent.
As much as I loved Judah, to become physically ill for him to be healthy and happy... God loves us deeper and more passionately than that.
And here we are, stuck in this round of self pity.. While He wants to hold us in His harms and Kiss our heads, tell us... "I love you. I want you to be happy. Rest in My arms."
As much as I love my son.. God looks at You far more passionately and weeps over your pain.
I know He had to have wept over His Son's pain. He was helpless then too- to watch His son struggle for His last breath of human air.
Can you imagine for one moment how deeply God loves you? He would move mountains to help you, but it's you who have the power to rest in His arms. To find comfort in His words. To find peace in His love. He is helpless until you give him everything. Not just some things, not just your job or house... But your fears, your pains, your aches.
I hope this helps you in some small way. God loves you- and you are beautiful in every way.