So- as of The first week of January, Nick and I found out we were pregnant again.
We were not at all expecting this, not planning for it (we actually had quite a different plan in mind). But I guess it was going to happen no matter what we wanted.
Well, everything was going okay, but two days ago we ended up in the hospital.
I had been dreading this pregnancy, and I feel terrible for saying that, but I did. I am still tired from the first time around, and Judah hasn't fully gotten over his eating difficulties, which causes a lot of stress on the mama too.
When we thought we were losing the pregnancy, my heart changed. I realized that I loved the little bubble/peanut even though I don't/didn't think I was ready for it. I think it was when they put the little heartbeat on the screen- I realized that I already loved this little one, just like I'd been in love with Judah from the time I saw his little peanut picture.
The nurse printed out a picture of the bubble baby and Nick and I stared at it in amazement. There's nothing that makes it real like a picture, like seeing the heartbeat.
Well, after seeing the baby was healthy, we waited to hear from the doctor about what other things were happening. (Some minor bleeding and cramping).
He came in and told us that it was a threatened miscarriage. There is blood on the wall of the uterus where the placenta needs to attach, so the pregnancy could go either way.
I am a pessimist, and Nick is an optimist, so I decided to prepare my mind for the worst, and Nick decided that nothing was going wrong and everything will fix itself. Having him for a husband, it's a great thing. He balances me, and I think I balance him in many ways as well.
The other thing that was extremely odd with this pregnancy is that the baby is supposed to be 10 weeks along, but it's only 6 weeks. So hopefully on Monday we will find out what is going on with that interesting tid bit.
Knowing that the risk of miscarriage is anywhere from 5%-50% (based on information from multiple doctors), we have to trust in God. Trust that he knows what he is doing.
Last night, talking with God, he gave me a new perspective on things.
I have a family member going through a rough time right now, questioning why God would let them go through such hardships, and driving home last night God brought it to my attention that He truly does Chasten those he loves.
I'm talking biblically, as we all know. Those who were closest to God, to Christ, they went through the tough stuff. Even Christ himself!
Last night I was drawn to the idea of Daniel and the Lions den. We all know this story, right?
The King made it law (because of the corrupt men who advised him to) that no one was to pray to God, but to the King alone.
Daniel, being a man of great faith in the Lord, listened to God's law. He prayed to God, and the King was forced to throw him into the lions den, to certain death.
Daniel could have hated God for allowing this to happen to him, but he was faithful in the certainty that God would see him through, even in the most bleak moments.
Knowing how lions work, they sense fear. They feed on it, prey on it, and fear causes them to act, to react, to feed. It's a major part of their hunting.
Daniel had to be so certain of God's great love for him, that he didn't fear. He was so sure that he was in God's hands, that the lions didn't feel the need to feed on him. Lions that had devoured hundreds of men with no hesitation. What trust must Daniel have had to not fear these lions? These hungry lions in the cold, dark cave. He could only hear them, hear their panting and their deep throated growls. I can even imagine Daniel being able to pet them, (though I doubt it happened).
Moments later; after the King had Daniel removed and revoked the law, seeing God's greatness; the king had the wisemen who had told him to make this law cast into the lions den. They were immediately devoured.
Having fear doesn't leave room for faith. Doesn't leave room for God to work in your heart.
So in this interesting trial we are going through, I choose to trust God. That no matter what, he will see us through.
"If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, nothing will be impossible for you."