12.06.2010

A single soul in two bodies

"What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies."

I love this quote. I am too lazy to look up who said it, but I know it very well. A friend introduced it to me in high school when we were best friends, and now I realize the depth of what it truly means.
I'm beginning to think marriage is crippling and strengthening all in one. It cripples you, in the sense that your spouse becomes your literal other half, and you can't seem to function if they aren't around... And it strengthens you in the sense that there is someone who gives you a reason for living, a reason for being able to function. They are your strength, they are your secret-keeper, and they are your love.

As marriage gets older, it's said that you bond in a way that is unlike any other friendship. You know what the other person is going to respond with, you know what they are thinking (sometimes), and you know that you can tell them practically anything, and it's safe.
Although you go through times where you can be a little bit "snarky" with each other (lol), the only reason you can really get away with the 'snarkiness' is because you know that the love is not going to end because of an argument. The love is not going to go away because you are cranky. The love will still be there when you are feeling a little bit selfish.

I think the reason people coined the term "you fight like an old married couple" is because to old married couples, it's not really fighting. It's creative talking. (I know this sounds ridiculous). The arguments that you have, you often don't recall a week later. A day later, even. They are pointless, most of the time, and it's because you are under the understanding that it's safe, safe to argue this way, safe to talk this way to one another.

Now I'm going to relate this to God.

God is our heavenly father. He knows our tantrums and our worries and our fears. He knows how we are probably going to react, and what we are thinking before we even think it. He already knows we aren't perfect, but his love for us is so strong, is such a bond, that he will always be there. He is safe.

God doesn't run off when you tell him that you are angry, that you are sad, that you are scared. He doesn't mind when you take it out on Him, he will be there when you get back, and He will hold you in his open and loving arms.

I recall screaming at God when I was younger. Yelling at Him. Blaming Him for things that weren't really his fault. Telling him that I hated Him at one point.
How could He love me after I had treated him with such anger.

God loves me more than Nick loves me. God loves you more than your spouse could ever love you. He loves you more than you could ever comprehend. Loves you more than the first time you held your baby in your arms, more than that love. More than the amount of love your parents could ever feel for you.

Why do we think that we have to act a certain way in front of God? Why do we think we have to stand a certain way, raise our hands a certain way, worship a certain way. Why do we think we have to put on our sparkly, wonderful, perfect personality on to be in God's presence? He loves us, he knows us, and despite every flaw we have.

I saw a girl dance at a Grand Prize (Esterlyn) concert about 5 years ago. She was unashamed. Everyone was staring at her, she was the only one dancing (spinning, twirling) at this concert, in front of everyone, with her eyes closed. I remember thinking "Wow, how strange." But as I watched her, I knew that she wasn't putting on a show. She wasn't worshipping like everyone else, it was beautiful. She was beautiful, despite her difference, despite the way she chose to worship her father.
"I want to be like that." I thought.
"I want to worship God with all of my heart, unashamedly." I decided from that day that I would.

See, everyone in the congregation can follow their own set of rules, but I know that biblically, people DANCED before God. They sang, spoke in tongues, danced, celebrated, and it was like a rush of WIND, like a parade of horses, it was beautiful.

Why do we choose to dress up our love? Complete abandon is the most beautiful. Abandon your ideas, although try not to scare other people off of the idea of worship. You don't have to put on a show, that's not the point. The point is that you worship as God appoints for you to worship.
If he asks you to worship him on your knees, with silence, tears flowing, with laughter, with singing, with speaking in tongues, with prayer, with dancing, with arms lifted, with spinning, with playing musical instruments, playing drums- don't hold back what is in your heart of hearts.
God will use your reckless abandonment for his will, for good. Give your heart to him in worship, and you will see the fruits of His labor in you.

Don't be afraid to tell God what's in your mind, what's in your heart. He already knows, and he knows you to your core.
Let him stir in you a fire that the world cannot explain.

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