6.23.2010

Recalling

I remember in the beginning my heart thudding in my chest. I have no idea what it was that made my heart beat so desperately. It's like there was a gravity induced pull on me, bringing me towards him. I couldn't escape it, even if I had wanted to. He touched my heart, the core of me- in a way I can't explain. I didn't want to be the same person anymore. I wanted to be good for him, completely and wholly and wonderfully his.

I don't know if it's the same for him, if it was. I don't know if he held his breath whenever he saw me. When he got a message from me. When he got a text... But I remember feeling like if it wasn't him it would never be anyone. I would've wanted to give up searching if it wasn't him.

Thank God it was.

Now here we are with a little boy, trying our best to raise him and help him grow without melting down or freaking out. Babies are the most wonderful and exhausting thing in the whole world. Thank goodness he's in a place with love. I could stare at his little face all day (I usually do). Every little wrinkle of his eyebrows, every little stretch and all the little changes that happen daily.

Love is pretty much the greatest feeling in the world. The first time you fall in love completely and wholly.

The first time you hold your child. That is indescribable. I don't think you could understand that love without experiencing it. Not in it's full capacity. It is a love you never knew existed. Selfless and pure love.

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