One and a half months old! (Oh MY!)

It seems like every day I look at Judah I have to beg him to stop growing- his face is changing, he's getting chubbier, he's outgrowing his very cute clothes... It's a little bit heartbreaking, to be honest. But at the same time I am VERY much looking forward to smiling and cooing and learning to talk/walk/crawl/bounce... I can't wait to see him grow up.

I guess that's also my biggest fear. You don't realize how much you REALLY want to be a fantastic person until you realize that you REALLY want your child to be a fantastic person. How do you do it? I don't honestly know. I've seen wonderful parents raise hellish children and terrible parents raise absolutely fabulous children...

That's the scary part- you can pour everything good that you have into your children... But they still can break your heart and come out to be a bit disappointing. I've seen the heartache it gives mom's to have their children grow up to be... Jerks. There's other words but I will use jerks.

"Judah Alexander- are you going to be a good man?" He looks at me very seriously when I ask this. But he's pretty serious all the time, so I suppose it could be a coincidence. :). I guess I just pour my love into him and hope for the best.

As parents you can only do your own best. You can only pour into them with the knowledge and tools you have been given and gained. I don't think it makes a difference if you've had thirty children before or if you've never held a baby- when you get your child it is an individual. From the very beginning they are learning and absorbing loads of information that they will use to teach you as they grow.

God, please make me a good Mom. Only you can help me with this one.

Well, got to go take care of cutesie boy Judah. <3 more later.

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